Meaning, that in the past 5- 6 years of dancing lessons and activities I have learned enough to execute a movement well, but not enough to dance it. My routines are a string of decently executed movements that try to pass as dance but that are lacking the essence of dance.
Through years of training, feedback and correction, I don’t even know what I am doing anymore. When I dance, I feel like looking over my shoulder for my instructor’s reaction. Did I forget something? My neck? My instep? I started off wanting to be a good dancer, wanting to perform and compete. This got me into a cycle of lessons from teachers trying to help me reach my goals, supporting my improvement. But in this journey I forgot how to dance, worse, I became afraid to dance, even alone in front of the mirrors, with my teachers’ corrections haunting me. I was recently invited to perform at a non-noxious community event. I declined. What could I possibly show these people that they would enjoy? There was a time when people would video tape me at clubs when I danced. This was before I started having lessons; now I don’t go dancing at clubs. I actually feel that I wouldn’t know how to dance.