Colors of Love Feb 7th, 2026

Yesterday was the Colors Of Love Show I had been preparing for. It was also a pretty hard day. Not so much the show and my performance, but the period preceding it. To start, I had had a sleepless night. I woke up at four and couldn’t fall back sleep because I kept thinking about the current state of politics and all the child victims. I am sure I am not alone in this. I finally got up and starting preparing for rehearsals, costumes, shoes, props and such. But, I didn’t mention that I had blisters on my feet from all the practicing, fresh, open and very painful. So I put band aid on them and went off, hoping for the best. At the theater, I got into costume and put on my shoes. Oh goddess! I could barely walk, let alone dance. I tried changing my shoes for a looser pair, but honestly, there doesn’t exist a shoe that can take the pain of blisters away, let alone a dance shoe. Blisters have to be contact free and all my dance shoes have heel cups.

Anyway, it went from bad to worse.

Whether it was the pain, the lack of sleep, the lights in my eyes, my general malaise… I don’t know, but my dancing was horrible. I couldn’t remember the choreography that I had studied so hard, I couldn’t follow any lead my instructor gave me, I was blocked in every way and I couldn’t save myself. I was extremely disappointed, upset and fearful for the evening. Especially, I was afraid that my feet hurting would prevent me from doing any actual dancing on the stage because I was literally limping at that point.

Anyway, it went from worse to worser (I know that’s not a word, but I don’t like to say worst).

As I was waiting for my next rehearsal dance, a group of children came on to dance to Terrill Carter’s singing ‘Heal The World’ (Michael Jackson). Would you believe tears came to my eyes? I felt so sorry for them; I ran to the dressing room and started crying there, tears running down my cheeks. I’m not a crier, ever, so this was very uncomfortable. Anyway, it passed and I went back for my next rehearsal dance, which I danced without shoes.

I went home and tried to nap, ate something, then got ready. I did some tapping (‘I trust my feet’, ‘I trust my back’, I am centered, etc etc), and I invoked my ancestors and my four sisters. I imagined them around me, dancing with me and tried to draw on their strength and support. I remembered the privilege I have to dance, to perform and so I danced for them.

You would think that with all that support I would be amazing! Well, it was much better than in the morning, though not as good as I had prepared for. My blisters were still painful but I had wrapped my feet so that at least they wouldn’t get rubbed, so I was able to make actual dance steps. My nerves were still there but I was in a better place.

I still had a tear when I heard ‘Heal The World’, but I didn’t burst into tears.

I just feel that for all the time, effort, money and actual love I put into this endeavor, I should feel more satisfied with the results. Somehow, with these performances, I always feel that I missed my mark.

Happily, there’s another show coming up. I can try again!